In 2017, I was at a luxury retreat in Costa Rica. It was one of those trips that came as a synchronicity and a manifestation. I wanted to be somewhere warm in February, and I didn’t have any plans until a friend emailed me a discounted price to attend a week long experience in the jungles and mountains of lush Costa Rica.
I replied to her email, “I’m In.”
I booked my ticket, and off I went.
While at the location there truly was luxury everywhere. Marble floors, peacocks roaming around, epic views from the infinity pool, and my favourite was the throne at the big wooden meal table where the group of 10 would enjoy meals prepared by a private chef with local foods.
Am I a millionaire? No.
The whole thing was only $1500 + air fare because I knew the speaker at the event.
People spend money on a lot of things, but don’t always value themselves enough to buy the things that will truly delight them.
You know what I realized a while ago…
I deserve to be delighted by life. We all do.
In fact, life wants us to appreciate life. We were meant to enjoy our senses and appreciate Nature’s epic creations, including human experiences.
Why does a part of me feel like I’m bragging while writing this.
Why do we get the “Who am I” inner dialogue when reaching for something we want, or sharing about it?
Because we have bought into yucky social programming that misunderstands humility for poverty and never having what you desire so that everyone can have their share. Don’t take too much, don’t be too big, don’t be too ____________ fill in the blank.
We do not need to be denied things in our lives in order for others to receive, or to be perceived as not greedy. In other words, we don’t need to be denied the life that will delight us in order to be a “good person.”
This brings me to two distinctions:
Unhealthy entitlement stems from fear. Arrogance is when fear and anger meet out of an imbalanced, egocentric stance that “you deserve” which does not take into account other people, laws, or natural order. Arrogance is selfish and doesn’t care for the wellbeing of others. Entitlement is mostly used in this context, but there is some truth to knowing- on some level- you deserve good things and for life to have peace.
I used to only know unhealthy entitlement. I thought I was a big-shot singer in university. I employed bratty, diva entitlement, rather than healthy entitlement. I used arrogance as armour to protect myself from my own insecurity. I never felt good enough no matter the compliments, awards or praise. No matter my body fat percentage or amount of amazing friends, I simply never felt good enough. My entitlement came from fear: Fear I would be found out, and fear that I didn’t really deserve what I dreamt of and would never get there.
Eventually, I found there was a better way.
Healthy entitlement is when we all rise together. From a healthy place of deep, inner deserving- simply because you exist- you can feel pulled to have something or create something from your core creative self that is 100% empowering for both yourself and other people. In a a lot of cases we all want the same things: Joy, abundance, connection. While, in other cases we are drawn by our own unique inner light that desires unique experiences or accomplishments that differ from other people. Like a rose is different from a violet, but they both have basic flower needs.
Healthy entitlement also can come with some challenges. Let’s say you go to college, and achieve more than anyone else has in your family. Potentially, you’ve just evolved your lineage to rise up. But, others might judge you as “too good” and betraying the family. It can get tricky. You will not always be understood by others. Regardless of outside opinion, you need to feel into your own truth in order to stay in that healthy place of balance.
You Deserve a Banana
So, here we are as a group of 10 people from all over the world, in beautiful Costa Rica, walking up a winding dirt road after swimming under a waterfall.
I was chatting to one of the owners of the centre when one of the participants walked up meekly asking, “Can I have a banana?”
I looked to my right to see a tree with an abundance of bananas, beside other banana trees with an abundance of bananas.
The owner said, “Yes, of course.”
But, her question puzzled me, and also pushed a button.
Of course she could have a banana! The bananas are there waiting to fulfill their life purpose of nourishing other beings. They would fall and rot anyways, becoming nourishing soil for even more growth.
Nature is abundance. What do we feel separate from that?
I found myself going on a thought tangent all of the sudden.
When did we become so apologetic of our own deserving of nature’s abundance and basic needs. And more importantly, why do we feel so freakin’ unworthy?
It’s been societally, religiously, culturally programmed so we stay in line and follow rules. But, it is incredibly toxic to live life constantly asking permission to avoid the dreaded feelings associated with “getting in trouble” and not feeling like life and nature is on your side. Living this way reduces human beings to fearful creatures with loads of defences unable to trust one another or life.
Of course, this banana abundance is circumstantial, if you hop a fence and go steal someone’s crop of bananas that would not be the same thing at all. That would be unhealthy, imbalanced entitlement.
Nature wants you to have the banana. Flowers want to be smelled, trees effortlessly provide oxygen, the sun gives light and life. It is natural to give and receive.
On a more practical level, your dreams themselves want you to experience them, people want to support you, many factors and resources are working with you, for you, just to be you.
We deserve to deserve.
“What you seek is seeking you.” RUMI
Unfortunately, we have thought we need to work really hard, struggle and strive to “earn” our needs, and desires. And, sometimes that works. But at what cost? Our presence, our peace, our wellbeing?
What if we were always meant to be worthy of our needs, and deserving of our dreams? What if it was always natural to reach for the banana and let nature give us nourishment?
I like that plan better.
I started to live that way, and you can too.
It is your nature.
Learn how to access healthy entitlement for yourself, your life and your loved ones.
It’s all in the Heart!
To learn how to discern Healthy Entitlement from Unhealthy Entitlement you can use your heart centre.
Photo by Fallon Michael on Unsplash