We all want to be seen, heard, and acknowledged.
While simultaneously, we are afraid of being seen. Because we are afraid that what will be seen won’t be good enough.
It’s ok if this is you.
This was me too.
And I was lucky enough to hear my own voice guide me to unfurl what is not true and discover for myself the truth of our being.
Here’s what I found.
We are more than what we accomplish, or who we help, or how people see us. We are a mix of vulnerable needs, emotions and desires with the competence of experience, skill, and performance we’ve grown and developed over time. We are both vulnerable children and capable adults. And we all hold the capacity to tune into higher intelligence.
We are both human and being.
Our humanness includes our inner child and inner adult, our identity, our roles, our personality, our past, our “ego,” our animal instincts, and physical, mental and relational needs. Our humanness is our unique expression of our being-ness.
Our being-ness includes our deep connection to nature, creativity, intuition, emotions, our soul, our energy, the animating force of intelligence, and the consciousness that connects all life. In our being-ness we are never alone, always connected, always being guided, and unconditionally worthy.
People that are afraid of not being enough will end up performing in life. They do the things that get them by and tick off the boxes. They abhor conflict and seek to always be liked. They would rather contort themselves to fit in than risk losing control and doing something “wrong” if they just be themselves.
If you are performing in life all the time, your true self gets lost in the shuffle.
What is your true self?
It is who you truly are without needing to “do” or perform for others or the world. It is who you are if no one was watching, no money was to be made, and no validation was needed.
We all have a being-ness about us that is similar to animals in that they just be them and do them. Squirrels are squirrels, dogs are dogs, cats are cats…they simply “be” their natural self- naturally. Even different breeds of each animal have distinct personalities. And each individual creature has their own unique expression within that breed. That is the true self in action. The thing that makes you- you.
Humans, in order to fit in with the community, started using their intelligence against themselves. People have applied their creativity trying to fit in and become something other than their nature in order to belong. They have done this to survive, because we are not meant to exist alone. We need other people and community. Where this survival instinct messes with our ability to thrive is when our need to fit in overrides our essential nature. We forget we are enough just being, and begin to perform.
Rather than using our creativity and imagination to create and experience this amazing thing called life, we resort to constantly trying to fit in and belong, rather than be and live.
So, who is the person?
And, who is performing?
We can be both. But, oftentimes we get caught being praised, validated, accepted and getting ahead for so long one way, that we do not trust we will be ok if we are not keeping up the show. We don’t trust that we are enough. We stop trusting our true selves, and forget that that core of our being even exists.
Unfortunately, when you perform out of a need to be enough, and prove you are enough, you will never feel enough. You will never “get there.” Because you cannot feel your being-ness from doing alone.
This is sad because so many amazing people live amazing lives and never are able to truly feel their worth and experience their own value just being them.
‘I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness the astonishing light of your own being.’
Now, here’s the thing. The ideal circumstance is to have a foundation of being already enough- nothing to prove, no one to convince- and then perform from that place.
Then you are able to experience deep fulfillment unconditionally. Do you read that? No conditions. No conditions to your fulfillment because you are not ‘doing’ to fill a void. There is no void when you are aligned with your true self- your being.
You are you.
And then you have a body, a personality, a mind, and emotions to express and experience being You.
Your skills and talents are meant to be an expression of You, not the validation of you.
When you can express yourself, be yourself, and feel safe with a deep sense of belonging within you; there is no self-doubt, no judgment, no self sabotage, and no fear of failure and no fear of success. There is just being.
From your being you can notice all your fears without believing them and ride the waves of high moments and low moments and know that it’s all part of the ride. Your being-ness embraces your humanness and there is harmony.
This is freedom. This is wealth. This is life.
You get one life being you- your unique expression of infinite creativity here on a physical planet.
If you don’t trust you are enough, you lose out on experiencing the gift that is you living your life.
This life: Your body, your geography, your family, your light and your dark parts, your history, and your innate skills and abilities are not a mistake.
A quote I use that drives me when I forget who I am and just want to check out from life is:
“Don’t die with your music still in you.”
This is my worst fear- to not fulfill my potential. The pang it evokes in my belly is strong and unforgettable. The regret of just existing on what ifs and one days drives me to make choices each day that make me more me. But now that I live from the core of my being this pang doesn’t give me anxiety, it gives me energy. I am pulled from inspiration rather than pushed by fear.
Each day matters. Each day is also a fresh start and new beginning.
Who would you be if you didn’t have to perform?
How good could you let yourself feel?
How loved will you let yourself be?
Who would you be, if being You was enough?
“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” – Mary Oliver