This is the voyage of the Starship Republican, and its’ two term mission to restore sanity to the universe⏤seek out intelligent life if it exists among the Democrats, to find bold solutions to challenges, and go where no one has gone before.
This week’s episode⏤The crew faces their most dangerous mission to date, a close encounter with ‘Socialism’….
Star Date 2019/2020
Captain Trump – Mr. Sulu, ahead Warp Factor One, the heading is for the ‘Swing State Cluster’, the planet ‘Socialism’. There have been some disturbing reports of something emanating from Socialism and spreading like a virus, potentially endangering the entire galaxy.
Helmsman Sulu – Aye Aye Captain, we’re reaching orbit there now. Shall I take her in close?
Captain Trump – Better keep a safe distance. From what I’ve heard this Socialism can be very destructive.
Communications Officer Uhruru – Captain, I’m getting some strange signals coming from that planet, it’s unintelligible really, just lots of chatter about some kind of “new green deal” and “MediCare for all”. Really crazy sounding stuff.
Captain Trump – Open up a hailing frequency, see if we can make contact with their leader.
Communications Officer Uhuru – Sir, I think I have their leader on now, someone called ‘Queen Nancy’. She says that her people call themselves Democrats. But she’s just babbling really, nothing she says makes any sense at all. Let me bring up a visual.
Captain Trump – Geez! She looks drunk! Are you sure this is their Queen?
Communications Officer Uhuru – Well, she may just be a figurehead Sir. It seems there’s a cabal of leaders actually, with the real power in the hands of someone they call ‘AOC’ and her three lieutenants. But I can’t reach them, they’re not listening. From what I’m gathering they rarely are listening to anyone.
Chief Engineer Scotty – Captain! Our Dilithium Crystal output is being severely taxed, as though somebody is stealing energy from them! I’m giving her all she’s got, but the energy levels keep dropping!
Communications Officer Uhuru – Captain, there’s a new visual coming onto the screen. It appears to be human, but I can’t tell for sure because of all the feathers wrapped around its head. It might be a bird, or an Indian, I can’t say for certain. It says its name is ‘Woman With High Cheekbones Who Spreads Buffalo Chips’, I think it’s a tribal name. I also think she might be behind our Dilithium Crystal problem, she keeps screeching about “giving our fair share” and something to do with the “climate”.
Captain Trump – Geez, that’s scary, turn it off!
Chief Engineer Scotty – Captain, we’re down to 20% power now, our system is being severely taxed! We’re going to have to break out of this orbit or we’ll crash and burn from the system being overtaxed!
Captain Trump – Scotty get us out of here now! It’s apparent that there’s no intelligent life on Socialism! I’m afraid that this might be the biggest threat to our very survival that we have ever faced!
Helmsman Sulu – Warp Factor Eight, departing Socialism!
Captain Trump – We never want to get that close to such a destructive power again!
Next week the crew of the Republican makes contact with an interplanetary shyster and fraudster called ‘Bernie the Grifter’, who tries to sell the crew a load of baloney, claiming that it’s really better for them than T-Bone Steaks…..