Projections: Why your Blame might be your own Shame
Has anyone simply irked you for no apparent reason? Something about them just gets under your skin. You can’t get off of it either. It may emanate from an encounter with a close relative or friend, or just the sickening enthusiasm of the cashier gal at Whole Foods.
There’s this thing called projection. It is a psychology term* to describe the phenomenon of someone pointing their finger at someone else, when in fact their issue is their own, stirring within them but they don’t want to face it. Feeling but not wanting to feel. People project these feelings on what’s in front of them. It’s so much easier, and often relieving to pin the blame on the person in front of you. However, it’s a hamster wheel. As long as the problem is out there, you are left dancing around and using energy to explain your feelings away, and creating kerfuffles in your life to appease the feelings from inside, from yourself.
What’s wrong with Feelings?
Do I really need to even explain that western society has an issue feeling their feelings? Well they do. People shove feelings down, and use their mind to explain them away. Feelings are pesky annoyances to most people. Well, this just doesn’t work. As long as the problem is out there, there is no real completion or solution.
How do you know you are Projecting?
Of course all relationships are 2 way streets, but when you are projecting you are not connecting. You are distancing and villainising the other person. You then feel more alone, less understood, but hey, you get to be right, right?
People yearn for connection. Projection distances you, isolates you so deeply you start to feed the problem feelings even more, and place blame on anyone or anything other than you.
You know you are projecting when you are really attached to being right.
You know you are projecting when you can’t get the issue out of your mind, and you keep playing scenarios over and over.
You know you are projecting when you find yourself talking about it passionately with others and also seeking their confirmation you are right – of course.
You know you are projecting when even thinking about it lights a fire within you that you can’t put out, you get so amped up and can’t come down from this spinny state.
How do you Stop?
- You need to get to the truth, more than being right.
- You need to breathe into your own body and get real. Sit down in private and ask yourself: “What’s really going on for me?” Let the pen move, be patient, the feelings get shoved down for so long they may take a while to come out, do not sensor or judge what comes out.
- Let yourself feel. It’s not that bad, our bodies know how to feel feelings and process them, it is our mind that interrupts this natural processing. Let them be felt, if only for a few moments, often that’s all they need to clear out.
- If you open a big can of worms, consider your own support from a qualified professional or engage in more self reflection practices to prevent the build up of feelings in the first place.
Your feelings are actually intelligence speaking to you. The intelligence of your body and heart is a real thing, and feelings are one of the ways we can get the memo from our entire intelligent being. The more we project and ignore these messages, the more alone we feel and the bigger the problems seem.
Do yourself a favour, stop pointing fingers and use that hand to write out what’s really going on for you. You aren’t doing it for the other person, you are doing it for yourself, but by getting responsible for your own stuff you also enhance other’s around you, win win.
Think of all the moments, minutes, hours, days, you might be wasting by blaming others for your stuff. Get yourself back, take back your power to change your own life. Now you can actually be present for your life.
The other person is a mirror, let the reflection be clear. You can control the distortion. When you stop projecting, you get your life back.
*Psychological projection is a theory in psychology in which the human ego defends itself against unconscious impulses or qualities (both positive and negative) by denying their existence in themselves while attributing them to others.