There are close to seven billion people living on the Earth. Why then does it hurt so badly for us to be rejected by just a few of them within our life-time? Doesn’t it make sense that we would just say, “Oh well, I have billions of others who will love and value me,” and go off seeking someone else to fill the void? That’s the problem… human emotions don’t always make sense. They are not cut and dried like that. As one person said, “Love does not play by the proper rules of moral society.”
“If you haven’t spent the time to really understand what’s motivating you; what’s driving you; and what’s causing you to make some of the decisions that you’re making; or not making; then you’re going to constantly make the same mistakes, and…
…Your goals, objectives, and dreams are always going to be just out of reach,” says Ramonda Fields.
You are a perfectionist. If only you get it right, you won’t be rejected. Whether “it” is a work project, the way your home looks, how you dress or what your body looks like, perfectionism is a thief. It steals your happiness under the guise of preventing rejection. Even if you don’t think of yourself as a perfectionist, try to notice where perfectionist tendencies show up in your life. Maybe you’re driven at work, and maybe you’re obsessive about your body. Both are perfectionist tendencies.
Abandonment fears typically stem from childhood loss, such as the loss of a parent through death or divorce, but they can also result from inadequate physical or emotional care. These early-childhood experiences can lead to a fear of being abandoned by the significant people in one’s adult life including work, love or family.
The word “rejection” actually means to “throw something away.” With that in mind, what is the term for something thrown away? Trash. No wonder rejection is such a painful experience! When someone rejects us, it leaves us feeling like we are ‘trash’ in their eyes; something of no further value and that leaves us feeling extremely hurt. How could that ‘not’ hurt?
If you resonate with any of these, the first step is to be gentle with yourself. Abandonment will start whispering in your ear that you don’t deserve anything better and that you don’t deserve to be loved. That is a lie, intended to keep you small.
Please meet Ramonda Fields, Entrepreneur, Real Estate Developer, Public Speaker, Coach and Life Enthusiast. Ramonda serves as a Commissioner on the city of Jacksonville’s Housing & Community Development Commission. She recently launched a Radio Show “The Black Dollar Radio Show.” Ramonda is in the process of developing an urban magazine, named The Urban Heart.