Self-acceptance is not a myth, it’s a thing.

I highly recommend it, not just as a cool social media meme, but as your new way of being in life.

“A People Pleaser is one of the nicest and most helpful people you know. They never say “no.” You can always count on them for a favor. In fact, they spend a great deal of time doing things for other people. They get their work done, help others with their work, make all the plans, and are always there for family members and friends. So far this sounds like a good thing. Unfortunately, it can be an extremely unhealthy pattern of behavior.”

I myself am a recovering people pleaser. I can tell you first hand that taking the time to heal and transform this life-draining tendency will change your life in ways you could never imagine while under the hypnosis that you need other people’s approval to be good enough, and therefore accepted.

“Care about what people think and you will always be their prisoner” – Lao Tzu

Typical Plights of The People Pleaser

  • Never able to turn off their mind- which impacts sleep and wellbeing.
  • Wasting moments replaying conversations.
  • Wondering obsessively: “How did that go….did I do Ok? What did you think?”
  • Social media “likes” addiction.
  • Unable to listen- more concerned with how they seem or what the other person is thinking while they are talking.
  • Anxiety and depression due to burning the candle at both ends mentally, emotionally, and physically in order to keep up with other people’s expectations (as they interpret them).
  • Fear of rejection- the need to meet other people’s expectations to feel loved and accepted.
  • Inability to say “No,” without guilt.
  • Conflict avoidant, and easy to manipulate or be taken advantage of.
  • Passive Aggressive- awkward back-handed remarks, uncomfortable sarcasm, hiding behind little jokes that actually show their true feelings.
  • Awkward, unnecessary giggling or smiling.
  • Unable to just “Be”

What drives a People Pleaser?

External Validation in order to feel confident in the world is not an uncommon experience. People pleasers are chained to other people’s opinions in order to feel good. They don’t have their own inner validation, otherwise known as confidence, to guide their day to day experience of life.

Human Beings are connection driven. So, the idea of not being liked can emotionally feel like life or death. At one point it was. We needed to fit in to a tribe to be fed, not freeze, and avoid predators.

Since most of us no longer have these survival concerns, without a strong inner self, we will feel emotionally drained trying to survive socially by fitting in, being liked, not offending people, feeling indispensable because we are easy, or valuable based on what we do rather than who we are.

The cure is to feel valuable no matter what you do, or do not do.

I call this living from our Center.

Find your Center-Break free

What I call “Center” came from my training in shamanism, ontological coaching, and psychotherapy.

Once we know, I mean deeply know in our bones, we are enough, no matter how other people think, and no matter how they feel. We re-discover our own inner barometer of navigating life from our own authority. I also call this Self-Sourcing.

People naturally have infinite mental interpretations of reality and it is our right to see reality through our own lens. We literally will never be able to please everyone. We were not born to do that. We were born to be our fullest expression in our own unique, snowflake way.

“You cannot outsource your truth.”

When we know we will never, ever truly know what other people are thinking, and that it is not their responsibility to validate our existence- an exquisite freedom arises from within. A freedom to truly connect with others, to be seen as we are, and to let other’s do the same, which in turn makes you a very likeable person. Interesting isn’t it?

This frees up all that wasted energy trying to be liked all the time, and make people happy.

This frees us up to BE.

Which is the point of our lives in the first place!

BEing, by the way, doesn’t mean not caring at all and not being effective in the world. It is a place of centred-ness, confidence, and unconditional worth. It is the ultimate in productivity actually, because it does not waste energy.

We can all reclaim this natural way of being with just a little rejigging of our mindset.

Think about it, you can see the freedom in animals and nature; everything has an innate knowing they are doing their unique job in the world, no stress, no obsessing. A tree is being a tree, a dog is being a dog, a blade of grass is a blade of grass. That is BEing.

This nature is your birthright.

Reclaim your being, our own validation of yourself.

Unleash yourself from likes, and gold stars, and smiles from others.

Resurrect your true self and watch how truly charismatic a self-sourced, inner-validated person is in the world. Don’t do it for others of course, do it because you deserve that level of inner peace.

Want to learn how to find your center? Go to bit.ly/youarethemanual