Hate to, Have to, Want to, Get to, Love to…

Do you ever feel bogged down?

Do you run through your to do list while you are doing another thing?

Do you have so many things on the go you just want to run away and do nothing?

Yep, you are human. Now that that’s out of the way, and you know you are not alone we can work on the solutions to your experience of feeling so icky day in and day out. How can we get off of this loop of constantly feeling like our life isn’t in our own hands, like everyone and everything else comes first?

I have an easy exercise for you.

I do not want you to be fake with yourself however, like saying an affirmation you really do not believe and trying to force it onto yourself without any self acceptance or compassion. That is not my style, I do not advise that type of gross self rejecting self-development.


What I want you to do with this exercise is NOTICE.

Just notice for the first week.

How often do you say, in your mind or out-loud, “I have to.” I have to do this, I have to do that.

Doesn’t that feel burdensome, just writing it down feels heavy.

Even heavier are the “hate to’s.” I hate cleaning, I hate driving in traffic, I hate visiting my in laws… Whatever the hate to is, just even saying it can elicit feelings of burden and helplessness. Because even if you hate it, you kinda have to do certain things in the modern world.


Consider trying on other perspectives simply by shifting your words and aligning your motivation to served and delight you rather than deplete and drain you.

Here’s mine:

“I have to write an article this week” (I do, you are reading it now)


I do have to.

But, when I really think about it, I get to. I get to sit down and take the time to create something. I get to express my thoughts. I get to help other people who haven’t considered these solutions in their own lives yet. I get to….

Actually, I love to write. I used to write when I was a kid, and I actually won some awards even. I love writing because I get to create and serve. I love both of those things. I have the privilege of having a computer and the time freedom to express myself in the world.

Well then,

I actually feel all warm and fuzzy now and that freed up energy can be used to fuel the task at hand, and I do not have to drudge my way through it, I get to do it.

Here’s where we get caught. Words like these can feel super heavy.


Expected to.


These are the realm of have to, and maybe hate to, for sure.

Obligation and responsibility are not as heavy when you choose it for yourself. Get on your own side. When you have to do things for everyone else, and then not receive any acknowledgment for your effort, time, energy, and love, you can start to feel resentful.

You can feel like people are taking from you.

This is classic for Mom’s in that typical role of cooking, cleaning, groceries, …etc, overall caring for a family is very all-encompassing.

Same for the primary income earner. They are working, working, working to fund the lives of their family, and get home to feel more burden and expectations without being acknowledged for their work, their contribution. And many people are in both roles, and feel totally overdrawn. They wonder if they will ever get time for themselves.


This cycle burns people out, and the resentment left unattended can lead to many mental/emotional problems.

What if you pulled back your perspective, just like a camera? And re-reminded yourself why you get to, want to, or LOVE to serve your loved ones, provide for their lives, or if you run a company if you create jobs for many people.

What if we GET TO?

What if our bottomless to do’s are not more stuff to do, but simply the fabric of our lives of doing the doings, that we get to do. It’s just stuff you know? The doings do not last, your experience of being you in your life right here and right now, that is lasting. We can simply shift our perspective to take off the burdens, reframe our doings, and then we get to be present to our lives. We don’t have to wait for the weekend or a vacation.

We all have to do many things we don’t want to do.

We all compromise and make concessions.

There are responsibilities to tend to.

But, if you can align them with why you get to, then your life is yours again,.

Try it out.

Week 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8…..

Just keep practicing. Take it easy. You are OK. Take a breath. Today will literally never happen again, so how do you want to feel? Align your mind to your to dos, so you get to live your life today. You get to be present, and smell, taste, love, experience, contribute: You get to live. The choice is always yours.

Let me know how it goes: www.jennasmithcoaching.com