How to Deal with the Mean Voice in your Head
You are a jerk.
Why try? You know you are going to fail. What’s the point.
MEH- so negative!
Where does this jerky voice in your head even come from?
Did you realize that everyone has this voice? It’s not just you. For some people, whom I help in my 1 on 1 practice and witness their process, this voice is stronger than everyone and everything else. This voice takes over. All some people know, is their piece of sh*t self, not their multi-faceted awesomeness of a human being self that they truly are.
What may surprise you is this meany-pants voice was born of a desire to avoid future pain and disappointment. Go figure, the jerk in your head actually is trying to help.
There is this process we learn in psychotherapy training called “inner parts work” and sometimes “inner critic work” and from there many other names to address the same pervasive problem people are facing with their minds.
The biggest problem is not realizing this voice in your head, is not YOU, it is a fragmented, protector part of you created from pain to protect you from pain.
You are not crazy, you are human. We have many voices in our heads, and some of them are simply noise, and some of them are debilitating and can create depression and anxiety if not properly addressed.
Phew, I’m not meaning to scare you or freak you out, I’m actually intending to shine light on a common problem so many people face but do not talk about. They normalize self-defeating language, and social groups often thrive off talking ill about themselves and others simply as a learned behaviour.
What if we can learn new behaviours?
Ones that actually buoy us up, create resilience, and allow for a more cheerleader/good friend/ wise guide and ally voice to balance things out.
This is what I did.
The voice in my head was so much louder than any inner supportive voices that every day felt hard, and daunting, and yes, even at times pointless.
I never knew life could be different!
People need to get real and discuss this stuff more often rather than scampering to hide everything that seems unlikable in order to be liked. That simply doesn’t work. Didn’t work for me, had not worked for over a hundred clients I’ve now taken through this similar process of creating a counter-voice in their minds which speak kindly, lovingly and excitedly about themselves, rather than so friggin’ mean.
“You never change things by fighting the existing reality.
To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete.”
― Buckminster Fuller
You see, the solution is not fighting the mean voice!
But, creating an inner supportive voice that actually can enrol the mean voice into playing on it’s team of living an awesome life from self-love rather than a “safe” life from self-protection.
Quick Mean-Voice Hacks to Gaining your Inner NICE Voice:
- Start noticing your thoughts. Don’t judge them as wrong or bad! Just notice. Like a narrator on a nature show.
- While noticing, see if you can interrupt the mean voice when it is on a tirade of regret or future worry. Breathe…Is this thing happening right now? Pause. Breathe. Take a moment to take stock of what you are so amped up about. See if you can simply interrupt the pattern. Even if all you do is breathe, this is the beginning.
- Start paying attention to what is going WELL. Some call this gratitude, but I like to call it self-appreciation or self-acknowledgment. It is important to see the good things in ourselves to reset this inner voice, not just general things.
- Notice judgements of other people, and try to again, interrupt the pattern. BREATHE. Who do you really want to be? A puppet for your mean, jerk voice? Nope, you want to be awesome. Right? So stop the mean jerky thoughts when you can. For both yourself and others.
- Start journalling. I know, I know, I say this in most of my articles, but really! Writing down and taking the time to witness what is really going on for yourself is an act of self-care that is incredibly effective. It’s like you are your own parent, your own best friend, your own guide. You can completely let it all out on the page. It can be messy, and it can be mean- on the page- all of you is OK. The paper will not judge you. Getting the gunk out, allows for more space for your inner awesome self.
Try these things, let me know how it goes. (jennasmithcoaching.com)
You are not the mean voice in your head ok?
It simply doesn’t want you to feel pain, and that is kinda nice. BUT, you are in control. Tell your inner mean voice you are trying something new, something that will work better to protect yourself from pain. Like…not abusing yourself constantly in your mind. It’s a good start.
You are not the mean voice in your head.
We all have a mean voice in our head that can be trained if we grab the reins.