Last night I fell to pieces.
I don’t mean a little sniff into a handkerchief, I mean a great, wracking sobs, knees held tightly against my chest, trying to melt away into a corner and remember how to breathe kind of meltdown.
I can’t honestly say what triggered it. I knew I’d been feeling a bit down for a couple of weeks, but hadn’t been able to put my finger on why.
Last night, a series of events came together as the proverbial final straw. The pressure had built up and the damn burst in spectacular fashion.
This morning, I woke up with puffy eyes, a hoarse whisper of my normal voice, that heavy feeling in my heart space and one hell of a pounding headache.
Within an hour of waking, I’d had three ‘coincidental’ (single quote marks because I don’t believe in coincidences!) messages from people that totally dissolved any concerns I’d been holding onto that had contributed to last night’s breaking point. All good. No worries.
I still don’t quite know why I’d been in such a funk, but I do know that a lot of the pressure that had built up went away with the tears. So, all’s well that ends well. A few good cups of tea, maybe a little toddy and a relaxing eye mask and I’ll be good as new.
Why am I telling you this?
Because we all need to give ourselves a break!
There’s so much rubbish hurled our way through the media and social channels, so many ‘positive quotes’ and words of wisdom about finding our happiness.
Well guess what? Happiness is an inside job and it’s impossible – and ridiculous – to expect to be smiling 24/7/365.
Even if we took to sleeping with coat hangers in our mouths, the smiles would be bound to dip sometimes. And that’s perfectly okay.
I’m a positive person. I’m optimistic. I don’t believe in regret and I always aim to find the best in every situation… but I’m also human… and so are you.
None of us should be trying to be happiness robots. We need to find the balance point.
We should neither bury our emotions nor tip into that victim mindset, revel in the secondary gain to be had and spend our lives drowning in our feelings either.
We need to be able to allow our emotions to flow, to observe them, feel them and learn from them.
We are not defined by our thoughts or our emotions… they’re things that flow through us, but they’re not who we are. Respect them. Don’t label yourself according to them.
Maybe my meltdown was caused by fluctuating hormones, maybe I’m overtired, maybe it’s the state of the world or the position of the planets. I don’t know. It doesn’t matter.
I’m here. I’m alive. I’m a human being. And sometimes I need to just let go, surrender, trust and not give myself a hard time because of it.
Hey, sometimes I have giggling fits. Sometimes I laugh so long and hard my stomach hurts, and the tears stream down my face on those occasions too. I don’t give myself a hard time over tears of laughter either.
Give yourself a break. Love yourself enough to let the tears come if they need to. Trust yourself enough to know they’ll stop when the time’s right. Respect yourself enough to not stay in that emotional rawness for longer than you need to. Know yourself enough to accept that tomorrow is another day, filled with potential – filled with the wonder of YOU.
A very wise medicine man once told me that too many unshed tears drown the heart. I believe that to be true. And guys, that applies to you as well!
Until next time,
All my love,