You are always wrong, all the time and they are always right, all the time. Say it is not so! How is it that you are vulnerable or weak? They are strong, confident and never need help? Is it merely the victim mentally card being played when the ‘Needy’ find themselves in toxic relationships with controlling, self-centered, egotistical partners ‘control freaks’ whose expectations of perfection cannot be reached? Moreover, what happens when you find similarities in both your personal and professional relationships? Perhaps it’s time to ‘Reset’ your personal orbit. Ready, Set, Go!

You are ALWAYS RIGHT?  How could you be so SPECICAL? Could it be that you may suffer from what DrBev refers to as ‘FLIP-MODE’ or in other words, you may be counter-dependent. The flip side of co-dependent. Both co-dependency and counter-dependency are internal defensive behaviors that shield and protect you from past wounds of abandonment. Both Counter-Dependents and Co-Dependents are dysfunctional and develop habitual behaviors that no longer serve their greater well-being.  Long-term these behaviors become emotionally painful and time-consuming.

FLIP-MODE is when co-dependents (needy) cling to others and counter-dependents (control freak) push others away. Counter-dependents tend to have ‘falsely exaggerated self-esteem…FLIP-MODE…co-dependents are people-pleasers, and counter-dependents are people controllers.

Here is the deal: A counter-dependent person usually has someone co-dependent towards them in their relationship of choice. FLIP-MODE, the counter-dependent person pretends that they don’t need anyone else and have concluded that people only need them.

In general, counter-dependent behaviors result when psychological separation in a child’s primary years fails to take place due to emotional abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse or neglect. Individuals with counter-dependent behaviors cover up their neediness and low self- esteem by projecting an impression of calm, confidence and strength. Believe them the first time when they show themselves!  Know that they are who they claim to be FAKE!!!  Posers!!!  Always RIGHT!!!

Counter-dependent is characterized by controlling and self-centered behavior.  FLIP-MODE, where co-dependents cling to others, counter-dependents push others away. Counter-dependents tend to have ‘falsely exaggerated self-esteem…FLIP-MODE…co-dependents are people-pleasers, and counter-dependents are people controllers.

Reset. The good news is that anyone can become free from these negative patterns of behavior. Do your Love-Work. What’s that you ask? Loving yourself enough to do you own inner-work yourself.  Start today by completing the uncompleted process of bonding and separation of your inner-self; two of the most important developmental processes of childhood. Lastly, work with a licensed professional trained in emotional and mental health issues, such as a psychotherapist or mental health counselor.

For Further Insight:

Suggested books on co-dependency and counter-dependency:

  Facing Codependence: What It Is, Where It Comes from, How It Sabotages Our Lives

The Flight from Intimacy: Healing Your Relationship of Counter-dependence – The Other Side of Co-dependency

  Breaking Free of the Co-Dependency Trap