You guys know I’m all about love, balance and recognising the teaching in every moment, right? Live your life for every, single second and embrace it.

Well, today I’m ignoring some of my own advice and, frankly, I’m steaming.


Mother plucking agendas!

Why on earth can’t we just drop our BS and be kind, considerate, reasonable human beings?

This week, I’ve seen a couple of people I care about being caught in the crossfire because someone had an agenda. Someone wanted to ‘get one over’ on another person, try their best to make them look bad and come up smelling of roses.

Behaviour like this stinks. And NOT of roses!

You know, as much as I want to find the good in every person, sometimes I come across an individual who seems to have vinegar running through their veins in place of blood. Sometimes, that makes me feel really incensed… and then, more often than not, once I’ve calmed myself down, I just feel sad.

Now, the smart money would say it’s a waste of my own resources to feel sad for someone else who, arguably, may not deserve it. Much of the time, they’re right – sympathy doesn’t serve anyone and, as I mentioned in a previous column, one of my greatest teachers said “Sympathy’s what you find between shit and syphilis in the dictionary.” But sometimes, just sometimes, I feel sad for a world where anyone is feeling so frustrated, so bitter, so insecure that they try to make themselves feel better by making someone else look bad.

I’m not into calling people out or name-dropping, so I’m absolutely not going into details about the specifics here but, suffice to say, in the scheme of things, this was a really silly play.

The person being ‘targeted’ is a really lovely person – they just don’t quite live up to the other’s ideals. Person A has been left feeling frustrated and upset, Person B is probably feeling smug, but looks vindictive to anyone watching from the outside, and poor old Person C has nothing to do with it but ended up being used as a pawn in the game.

What does this have to do with agendas? Everything!

If Person B had been able to be a grown up and just talk to Person A, instead of making a play, none of this would have happened. If ‘PB’ could just be honest about their feelings, maybe get in touch with their heart a little more, stop being afraid of vulnerability, maybe there’d be no need for agendas.

When I was learning about some of the personal development teachings from my shamanic teachers, there was a massive emphasis on personal responsibility. Of course, every now and then, we’ll come across people who just rub us up the wrong way… and that’s wonderful, because those situations always, always teach us about ourselves in a very deep and real way. If – IF – we’re brave enough to go there. 

How about, instead of complaining about that person behind their back, we get our inner ‘chief’ in charge and talk to that person about how we’re feeling – in a balanced, grown-up way. Chances are they’ve also been walking on eggshells and maybe, just maybe, an open and honest might break that ice and help us to move forwards. Hey, even if we just agree there’s a personality clash, we might be able to laugh about it together instead of building up all that resentment. Wouldn’t that be better? And just for the record, of course, I’m talking about generally civilised situations – offices, networking groups, training events – the kinds of places where we’re thrust into the same space as someone else but nobody’s likely to be carrying a gun!

We need to be far more aware of our intentions. If we’re trying to set up a situation for secondary gain – particularly if it’s all being engineered to make someone else look ‘less than’ – we need to start having a serious word with ourselves.

And if we’re walking around with vinegar blood, constantly feeling bitter and twisted about the world, if we’re getting all our highs from being unpleasant towards others, if we’re strutting about with ‘that’ll show ‘em!’ as our secret motto, we need to sort ourselves out.

Talk to someone. Go get some help. Do something – anything – to get you to the point where you’re not looking in the mirror and seeing your own personal reflection of Voldemort! Nobody feels that way naturally. Nobody benefits from carrying around that level of venom. That’s some deep pain going on there… and that’s why I feel sad. I hate to think of *anyone* feeling so wretched that they have to fire their pain at someone else.

I’ll leave it there. Please, everyone, check in with yourselves. If you’re doing anything for secondary gain or to play out some kind of personal agenda, dump it in favour of something else – go do something that will make you happy on the inside instead.

Agendas. They’re for meetings, not relationships.

Until next time,