Not so long ago, and not too far away, there lived in a swamp in a place called Hillaryland a wicked and evil witch. The witch of Hillaryland was angry at the world because she felt that she was being denied something that belonged to her, something that she felt she was entitled to. Something that she had devoted her whole life to achieving, only to be prevented at the last second from attaining her life-long goal. To put it bluntly, she wanted to rule the world and all of it’s people. But she had been trumped at the last minute by destiny.

Also in Hillaryland lived a man who was particularly untalented at much of anything, suited at most to be nothing more than a Court Jester. But what he did have was an engaging smile, and as long as he had someone prompting him on what to say he could almost sound intelligent. Almost.

The witch hated the Court Jester because several years earlier he had come to Hillaryland out of nowhere and ended up preventing her from completing her first attempt at ruling the world. And while he certainly wasn’t capable of even ruling Hillaryland much less the world – after all he was just a Court Jester, everybody laughed at him – his arrival prevented the witch from ruling.

The witch, being the most dishonest, corrupt, and despicable individual to ever try to rule the world; she decided to bide her time and patiently wait for her opportunity to rise to power. Then she’d make sure that there’d be hell to pay for all of the insults and degrading things she had to endure over the years while she was working to reach her goal.

After eight years the Court Jester left Hillaryland, though he didn’t go very far. (We’ll talk about that a bit more later on.) But his departure opened up the opportunity the witch was looking for, her chance had finally come to rule the world.

But then out of the blue appeared an older white-haired man who promised the people of Hillaryland that he was going to give them more free stuff than their hearts could ever desire. He made more promises of free stuff to them than the witch had ever offered. Free stuff is a powerful incentive to the uneducated. And those people began to turn towards the white-haired man, which really ticked off the witch and her supporters.

Even though the witch wasn’t very well liked by anybody, I mean after all she was a witch. There were people in Hillaryland who simply wanted a witch, any witch to rule the world, and she seemed like their best bet to achieve that goal. So they schemed and plotted to undermine the old white-haired man and cheat him out of his rightful place. Through their plotting and treachery they succeeded in chasing off the white-haired man cheating HIM out of what was rightfully HIS, the opportunity for a chance to rule.

All seemed to be set for the witch to rule when once again her plans were dashed, this time by the Golden Man. The Golden Man offered an alternative to what the people of Hillaryland had seen in rulers since forever, rulers just like the witch – dishonest, corrupt, and unethical people, out only for themselves and the people be damned. The Golden Man promised to drain the swamp in Hillaryland, which certainly threatened the witch since she herself had been a swamp-dweller her entire life.

So with the help of her minions and the former Court Jester (See, I told you I’d go back to him), the witch concocted a grand scheme to not only get even with the Golden Man for keeping from her what she considered was rightfully hers, but to also punish him for ruining her plans. 

Lies, falsehoods, and innuendos were told by her minions that discredited the Golden Man. He was buffeted with a barrage of untruths to try to damage his reputation and ultimately force him from his position as Ruler.

But all of the efforts of the witch and her minions failed. The Golden Man held steadfast in his determination to free the people of Hillaryland from the swamp dwellers, especially the evil, wicked witch. And instead their scheming and corruption ended up being laid bare for all to see. All of the lies they told about the Golden Man bounced back onto them.

So our fable has a happy ending. The witch was held accountable for her many, many crimes, and was justly punished. Those minions who tried to help her destroy the Golden Man were also punished. And the Golden Man ruled for many years more, bringing prosperity and respect to the land, no longer called Hillaryland, but now known as the United States of Trump.

The End.