My intelligent, articulate perspective would describe marriage as an outdated archetype. The real, raw, transparent, curious, experienced, vulnerable and happily divorced self would say marriage is STUPID! Marriage is a man created ideology that is culturally engrained in us as a part of living The American Dream. History reveals that marriage was intellectually developed for the benefit of our physical survival and was founded on an unequal relationship between husband and wife. I confidently believe that marriage no longer functions in a society where cultural norms are shifting, changing and progressing at the exponential rate America is experiencing. This fast paced, confused rate of change leaves us completely detached from the dysfunctional effects of the fight between the mythical American dream and the reality of our physical, social world. Change and progress, while positive in one form, create many unintended complexities. Today, we live in a complex, technologically advanced society that makes marriage a statistically proven unsuccessful venture. You don’t have to look far to observe the complexities I speak of, as we are inundated with messages that oppose the force of marriage. With all this social transformation, it is no wonder we are stuck in suck! In a throw away, consumeristic society, there is always a bigger better deal around the corner. Or is there?
Divorce rates are through the roof, yet we keep making the same mistake twice, three times. WHY? While research supports that Americans suck at marriage, it also suggests that we value marriage regardless of the high rate of marital disruption, a term used by researchers to describe divorce. So, WHY do we repeatedly ride the “marriage go round” with repeated epic failures that impact our ability to live healthy, happy and prosperous lives? How did the bigger better deal elude us to believe in a second marriage? Do we really value marriage or is it that we value the culturally-forced mindset that controls our choice to marry? Why do marriages fail? Why do some marriages succeed? Why are those who are still unhappily married; married? Why do you believe you are not whole without another half? The statistics prove that we have failed at marriage, the illusionary experiment to happily ever after! Could it be that marriage is stupid and this outdated way of thinking prevents us from experiencing a more mature, spiritual and loving relationship with one another? Is it possible our thinking needs to be updated so that our actions meet our intended purpose in life?
My expression is not one of bitterness but quite the contrary. As a woman labelled “divorced”, I am curious why we fail at such a high rate at something we all deeply desire; love and happily ever after. From my view of the mountain, our best bet at a successful relationship in the future is to take the journey inward to find happily ever after. Our failure as a society is that we seek externally that which is internal. Marriage does not make one happy. As a matter of fact, over 50% of the time it makes you crazy, unhappy, miserable, sick, stressed, financially devastated and emotional drained! Until we acknowledge that relationships operate under a different set of rules today, we will continue to falter at the expense of our health and wellness.
America we have a hole in our soul and the way out is in. Spiritually is where your happily ever after resides. With the degradation of society’s values, I am still holding on to the hopeless romantic thought that my soul mate is yet to be found and our spiritual growth will launch us into a world unknown to most. Until then, my divorced status inspires my fearless journey to understanding and finding love in America. I do believe in love. I don’t believe in marriage. I often wonder why an intellectual, mature being would ruin a perfectly good marriage. WHY? It is an outdated archetype with complexities that confuse the very nature of our being. Wake up from the dream America!