Do people still date?
Date, as in, get to know one another, take things slow, not to be old fashioned or a prude, but because that’s just what it takes to get to know another human being. Isn’t that what dating is? Figuring out if you are a match mentally, emotionally, culturally, vocationally, aligned with family plans, life goals, habits, lifestyle…lots to figure out to determine compatibility. It’s not just about the physical, so why is that so many people’s focus in those crucial ‘getting to know you’ beginning hours.
It seems like these days, the majority of singles have sex auditions, not dates. There is so much imbalance on the physical, the whole point of dating gets lost.
Before we get to the method, I urge you to consider the following questions before dating anyone:
Are you afraid of being alone?
Start to date YOURSELF. Then you will attract another equal partner that compliments who you authentically are, not someone to fill the empty spaces.
Are you more concerned with someone else liking you, that you lose yourself in the whole process?
Prioritize YOU liking you. What difference does it make if this stranger likes you? Get to like you first, date if you want, but get your inner self-esteem online before you start swiping right.
What is the 6 Date No Touching Rule?
Pretty simple. Don’t do sexy time activities for 6 WHOLE DATES.
(I mean hand-holding and all that PG rated type touch is fine, it’s cute and nice even, just stay away from anything steamy.)
A lifetime is a long time if you are seeking a life partner. How do you expect to figure this out when all you are doing is tending to your animal impulses? Sex is pretty easy. Kinda natural. You can do it with almost anyone, it’s not the most important part of dating believe it or not. It is important to your relationship overall of course, but in dating you really want to establish if you are a match or not, right? Touching, touchy-feely parts with pleasure nerve endings is not that special, it definitely is not going to help you figure out if you are on your way to a fruitful relationship. To find that out, you need to get to know the person, actually get to know them.
Why the 6 Date No Touching Rule?
The point of having 6 dates, without sexual activity is to go through a mini-cycle of what your potential relationship might be 6 months, 1 year, 3 years, 5 years+…. you get the picture.
When people are forced to find creative ways to spend time together, it enhances the important pre-relationship phase.
1. Doing away with all the inner dialogue BS. Phew.
You know how that goes.
The first date, “Oh shoot, it’s the end of the night, are we supposed to kiss now, oh that soup had more garlic than I thought, oh no….” Romantic? nope.
The second date, “Is this someone I want to roll around naked with? Let’s do a checklist of faults and figure that out.” It is rushed, premature, and downright silly to try to figure out this human being all in only 2 encounters.
Oh, yes, then there’s the third date mental chatter, “Shaved? check. Sex ready? just in case.” Do you ask yourself what you want? Do you check in if your body even wants to do anything? Do you feel comfortable with this person or is this simply the thing to do? They bought you dinner or drove across town to see you so you should show gratitude. That’s prostitution not dating. Or do you just follow the stupid made-up rules, other people abide to without considering your own council? What would dating be like if you were just present, and being yourself? Time to try it out. If the potential partner isn’t into it, GREAT, one less person to waste time on. Keep going til you actually don’t even notice you are enforcing a 6 Date No Touching Rule, you just like the person you are with so much you forget about all that other messy, dating stuff, you can Be. Find someone you can BE with.
2. Develop REAL intimacy.
Real connection, intimacy, feeling safe and comfy with another person, takes about 12 hours to develop. Have you ever met someone at an all day event, or on vacation and there’s all that time to spend together you think you ‘fell in love.’ All that time together develops intimacy. That is why you connect so much. The time spent in another person’s energy matters. If you really want a great relationship, you need to merge energetically first, before physically.
3. Find out the crap first before losing your precious time and energy.
The 6 Date No Touching Rule reveals the shadows of another persona in a stealth like manner. The shadow, coined by Psychologist Carl Jung, shows up in the niggly things you usually only discover far later; usually, after deciding to move in and are knee deep in relationship complications like lack of communication, and wondering if it’s “just you.” The shadow is the stuff you wonder after a break-up, “Why didn’t I see this sooner? “ Well, now you have a method to do that. Discover these things early! This method of dating will save you tons of time and unnecessary heartache. Now on the other hand, if you like this person more than the sniff of their shadow, well then, date on and move to the next base…after date 7.
The proof is in the pudding.
The friends I have shared this with have ALL enjoyed much better dating experiences, and longer, higher quality relationships, with a few marriages thrown in 😉
Let me know how it goes! www.jennasmithcoaching.com