When you are living a resilient life, you are living a fulfilled life, where you know who you are and you know what is important to you. You have a plan as to where you are going and you know where you should be investing your time and energy. For you to lead a resilient life you must overcome the pain, the adversity, the embarrassment, the not me, not now attitude and the unpredictable challenges that life throws at you. It is not an easy journey, but then again, life was not meant to be easy. The good news is that resilience is a process of thoughts and actions that can be learned. Although we cannot control the challenging events in our lives, resilience can give us the strength to control our responses to these events.

Here are my 10 key steps to creating and owning a new life….

1. Laughter Positivity And Hope

I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it’s a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life’s realities.” Dr Seuss

It’s key to laugh and have a positive and hopeful attitude of life. Don’t take yourself too seriously – have a sense of humor about the challenges of life. I want to thank my youngest sister Nikki who has been my number one and best cheer leader. We call each other and answer the phone with a laugh and say “you just have to laugh at it all sometimes” and all of a sudden tears in my eyes I feel relieved that it will all get better. For that moment I am happy I am at ease.

Happiness will come because u believe in who u are, know what u are doing, and love what u do. Believe in what u love and want in life, it is not crazy, it might seem so to others but not to you … there is that something that makes your heart tick an excited no matter how down you are.

In a crisis, be positive, open and willing to find the solution. Do not dwell on the problem but look forward to the future solutions that should be considered. I now see how this is key and important to do because an upbeat open mind is needed to get through each moment each day. Laughter, positivity and hope are important strategies to use when you want to build resilience in your life.

2. Accepting And Anticipating Change On A Daily Basis

it is not the most intellectual of the species that survives; it is not the strongest that survives; but the species that survives is the one that is able best to adapt and adjust to the changing environment in which it finds itself.  Dr Leon C. Megginson

In todays world of constant change it is hard to hold on to who you are and manage the complexity and unpredictability of life. The one constant thing in our lives today is change.

Bounce Back Muscle is a quality that enables you to survive and thrive in a world of constant change. Be always ready for the unpredictable events in your life. Be ready to embrace the opportunities that change brings. Everyday I am seeing God’s hand in my life, I have learned to focus and expect a glimmer of hope that shows me all is well and in order, that things will fall in place in a way beyond my wildest imagination.

3. Embracing The Power Of Choice

“Today I choose life. Every morning when I wake up I can choose joy, happiness, negativity, pain… To feel the freedom that comes from being able to continue to make mistakes and choices – today I choose to feel life, not to deny my humanity but embrace it.” Kevyn Aucion

Be comfortable with using the power of choice, understand the value of the power of choice when dealing with tough decisions or confronting challenging situations in your life. Using the power of choice empowers and strengthens your ability to take action and to make decisions. Know that you always have a choice on how you deal with each situation, how you think and talk about each circumstance, sometime that is the only choice you have …there are always choices.

Resilient people are not afraid to acknowledge their negative feelings, emotions and fears. Instead, they choose not to let these negative fears and emotions take control and immobilize them.

4. Asking For Help

“Asking for help does not mean that we are weak or incompetent. It usually indicates an advanced level of honesty and intelligence.” Anne Wilson Schaef

Asking for help is not a sign of weakness to a resilient person. Resilient people seek support, advice and encouragement from others when times are tough. Asking for money is the toughest of all, I tell you most of us tell the story of our being down and out and expect people to say oh let me give you $10 to help you out or do you need any money? Well they won’t – if you do not ask and be prepared also to deal with being told so sorry I don’t have anything to give you. The key is to ask. People won’t assume you need financial help even though they hear your story they want you to ask, that has been my biggest challenge as I am one that when someone comes and tells me they are out I am quick to ask would you like some dollars to help you out for now?

5. Being Self Aware And Connected

I have taught read and practiced the concept of mindfulness. That was not enough for a month now I turned off and took myself from all Social media facebook, twitter, instagram etc. I need this moment in time for me to focus, to be mindful and pay attention to where I am in the present moment. I am connected to what is important to me in my life – in all aspects. My focus is in my Bounce Back. I am knowing myself in ways I have known myself, I know what I am capable of more than I ever knew, This moment, this time is for Me… When was the last time you took some Me Time…I always say to people life will force you to take some Me Time well guess what ….It is my turn.

If you follow me I always post A dose of motivation and encouragement and during this time my siter Nikki send me one of my dose of motivations that says : “Sometimes you just have to bow your head, say a prayer and weather the storm” and I have a picture of a bird with its head bowed down and a storm pouring on it…..I see the stillness of the bird the anticipation and the calmness of waiting for the storm to pass. This state can only be reached when your mind is quiet and all external noises are silenced. Besides my family I am only in touch with those friends who help me be still are encouraging and empowering. Know who those friends are and allow yourself to be self aware and connected to yourself when all chips are down.

6. Living to Learn

By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.” Confucius

To Bounce Back you will need to learn to take charge of your thinking and emotions. Depressing sad thoughts can quickly take you down a spiral of more depressive emotions if you do not learn to stop them and refocus. You must continuously develop and strengthen your skills and abilities to remain strong. I repeat you must be strong, you must be crazy enough to believe all is well when all is crumbling before you, you must be crazy enough to believe the impossible is possible when there is not a glimpse of how it is going to happen.

I have had to consistently ask myself “How can I survive this and what do I need to do to overcome this obstacle?” I have to tell myself I am strong, I am able and capable, I have encouraged myself to know and believe Ask and you will be given, knock and the door will be open, seek and you shall find, prepare and it will come to pass. My mind body spirit is  solution focused – doing everything I can on my part then let go of the rest to my higher power and in my case I let go and let God grab the wheel.

It is in having this attitude, calmness and anticipation that I have found mentors, information that is helping elevate my business and focus. I am on a day today basis believe it or not still acquiring new skills and knowledge through this life experience, observation, reflection and the wisdom of others. I believe in the journey of continuous self-improvement and see life challenges and adversity as an opportunity to learn. To bounce you too will have to believe in this continuous unpredictable journey called life. Know and believe life is good infact it is GREAT the good and ugly…Bouncing Back is a must.

7. Valuing The Importance of Health & Well-Being

“Intelligence comes into being when…the mind, the heart and the body are really harmonious” J Krishnamurti

I was diagnosed with diabetes an high blood pressure in Sept 2016 so worry stress are not an option no matter what. Excessive, taking my medication as prescribed and seeking alternate treatment because at some point I hope to be off all these pills …I am off injections so it is possible. Health and wellness are key. I wake up every day and say Thank you Lord for as long as I can see another day, be healthy and well, everything else I know you will make right. 

So  understand the importance of being physically, emotionally and mentally fit. Understand the importance of consistently following daily healthy habits that nurture and strength your own health and well-being. Look after yourself and value the gift of having a healthy and emotionally strong body and mind. Value the positive energy that you get by surrounding yourself with like-minded people. Love my America Out Loud family ..talk about like minded we strive for the same calling no matter how the chips fall…our listeners and followers are our bounce back muscle.

8. Practicing Appreciation & Gratitude

People who live a resilient life know that it is not a one-way ticket and that life is not all about them. It is about how they can help and support other people in their lives. They have a deep awareness of people and how they feel. They actively practice gratitude and will always acknowledge their appreciation of others. Resilient people like to serve others and develop supportive and caring relationships. This is so true because last month I was hired to be a speaker and panel discussion panelist at a conference in Boston. I tell you I was so alive and in my realm because in those moments like in this very moment it is not about me, I am enjoying and appreciating being able to take my own life as a lesson that will hopefully add value to those who listen to this, give them hope and help them know that Bouncing Back is Possible and inevitable, You will bounce back. It is never dark 24 hours 365 days a year. There is always light after dark, seasons change, there will be rain, snow, and cold but as the Bible says joy comes in the morning. Joy happiness and a peace of mind are also inevitable they too will happen for you when you choose to Bounce Back no Matter what.

9. Embrace Failure and Disappointment

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired and success achieved” Helen Keller

Just like resilient people have done, I have developed a more survival mindset not a victim. With a survival mindset: expect to make mistakes, to fail, and to be disappointed. know that to be strong, one has to overcome adversity, embarrassment, denial, and failure. Know that sometimes it will be because of your habits that will need to change sometimes you can do all you can to prepare and still adversity will happen. Embrace life anyway. Learn from your experiences. At times to get the mindset of saying to yourself “oh I will learn from this difficult time” is hard. let it be. embrace the difficult time anyway. just be. Because one day you will look back and see how it was necessary for you to go through this adversity to get to where you have always wanted to be.

My shutting down all social media and contact is because when you are going through the last thing on your mind is validation from others. In fact, is said resilient people do not seek validation to determine their success. They define their success in their own terms.

The time will come to ask yourself the following:

1. What happened?
2. What went well?
3. What didn’t go so well?
4. What can I do better next time?

Because as I said life will happen.

Answering these questions will make it easier to face another downfall avoid or prevent one that is similar. I choose to respond to unforeseen downfalls, in this moment failures by “bouncing back” and starting again. Like I said being alive health and emotionally stable helps oh and having education, experience, numerous never ending training really helps with my Bounce Back. Really helps.

10. Be Adaptable, Flexible and Flow

“Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way ’round or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves”  Bruce Lee

Life is unpredictable and challenging. Adaptability, flexibility and flow are key strengths that will enable you and I to manage the unpredictability of life. These three strengths are very essential not only to “bounce back” from the challenges of life but to be successful, financially free and happy in your life. You have to be flexible you have to be able to adjust and let life happen, learn what you have to learn but be open to living beyond your fears because that is where your joy, happiness, freedom is. Those who know are amazed at how I am unafraid to move, how shifting seems to come easy to me, wrong I am afraid, scared shitless ooops scared to the max but I know if I have to live the life I have envisioned for myself I have to be willing to go through, move, shift, fall and Bounce Back Up no Matter what.

Those who want better in their lives like myself will use these 10 strategies to build their strength and capacity to lead the life they too have desired for themselves. Choose to embrace the unpredictability of life, the pain and the adversity because the rewards you will gain from having the courage and resiliency to bounce back are priceless. It is easy to listen to this podcast and want to follow the strategies we have talked about, but to actually follow them and live by them is a strength all on its own. You have to do it, you have to go through with all circumstances to come on the other side. You can do it. I can do it, I am and  I will.

Remember If you want to live a resilient life, it is a tough journey because to be resilient you have to experience personal setbacks. This is no doubt  scary, and for many of us, we choose not to embrace the downfalls, the bad times and as a result our life deteriorates, we are unhappy, depressed, sad down and out. We choose to stay in sad miserable relationships, job, lives ok that’s for another podcast.

Successful, Happy, Resilient people know the huge effort and energy it takes to be able to “bounce back” from the challenges of life. Keep your head up because the only person you have is YOU. Believe in yourself. Believe it will be better. Believe you always have choices. Believe this too shall pass. Most of all keep the vision of what is ideal for you, I know my speaking training business will thrive. I know my radio and television shows will thrive no doubt and I know all my finances will be in order. I know without a shadow od doubt I am Bouncing Back no matter what. I am so excited to see you live in my seminars and conferences on the other side of my Bounce Back.

This is DrStem your host. Life is God’s gift to YOU. What you do with it is your gift back to God.

Be Encouraged and encouraging. To get in touch with me email me at drstem@americaoutloud.com

DrStem is a Licensed Psychotherapist, International Best Seller, Teen-Parent Expert, Wellness Coach, Certified Passion Test Facilitator, Certified John Maxwell Leadership Trainer, Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway Trainer, Motivational Speaker, Life Coach and President/Founder of Global Counseling & Coaching Services, Inc. which focuses on speaking, training, workshops and seminars for teenagers, parents and women. She is the Host of the DrStem Show Talk Radio and Podcast on America Out Loud. DrStem “Life Plus”, is all about Motivation, Inspiration, Education, Empowerment and Encouragement. She is a teen-parent expert who understands that many teens are missing the parental or adult guidance they need during these challenging years. DrStem is on a mission to inspire, and empower teenagers and adults alike to feel the fear and go after their passions and dreams anyway. Her work is designed to bring HOPE, boosting confidence and encouraging others to live their lives Freely and Fearlessly.