The topic of money often stirs up emotions, attitudes, and beliefs about the world around us. Unfortunately, in relationships money is often a taboo subject and difficult to talk about with your partner. Sometimes, it may very well be you and not your partner. You may not have processed your own inner money beliefs. Many of us may need to get a better grasp on where our reactions to money stem from, and how our relationship with money shapes our concept of abundance and poverty. Sit down with your partner for a moment of honesty and reflection:
- How have you worked out your differences in the past?
- Can you talk about your problems with honesty?
- Can you solve disputes without hurting each other?
- Who is the spender and which of you is the saver?
Before you hitch up the U-Haul truck, ask yourself – what are your inner beliefs about money? When it comes to money how much is enough? Who will make it? Save it? For what? Spend it? On what? Who will budget, pay bills, do the shopping? Long before you even think of making a love commitment, engagement, or partnership. Stop, Drop, and Roll. Think about the key inner beliefs you may have about money, love, and how both have impacted you and your relationships.
Your attitude about money may be quite different than your partner, and the answer to these inner-self questions may make or break the best of relationships. If you have encountered such experiences in the past – use this opportunity to communicate and share your feelings openly and honestly – it may help you to do this with a professional. Stop the merry-or-round once and for all. If you are not on the same page about these issues with a potential or present mate there are bound to be problems. Yes, fact is more married couples fight about money than any other subject.
That brings me to the questions of how do we talk about the taboo topic… Money?
Here is a road map that includes tips, skills, and tools to aid in a successful relationship and a successful you. Awareness punctures the dream bubble and brings the relationship down to earth. Let’s begin here, before you move in together or once you get engaged, come clean about everything financial which includes your credit history, debt load, income, retirement plans. Ooooh, No! Was that a gasp from your lover, friend, the one you want to spend the rest of your life with saying, No? Sharing their credit history is out of the question. This may be a deal breaker. Beginning a life together with resistance and secrets begets more questions – How can the other person love me if they don’t know me? The answer: HONESTY IS A MUST.
Moving forward, yet slowing down, perhaps romantic dinner date to discuss the topic of money could be a good place and time to ask the three following questions, gently:
- What is your current financial situation?
- What are your financial goals?
- What do you know about handling finances?
Ok, breathe; Debt happens to the best of us. Come to the table prepared to discuss, not argue or yell. Agree that all discussions about your finances will be conducted in a respectful manner. Do not degrade each other. If either of you gets out of line, own up to the misbehavior and find a way to prevent it from happening again.
“Many of us, women especially, have the irrational belief that caring for ourselves or putting our own mental and emotional health first is selfish,” DrBev agrees with Connelly. “Women are reared to be caregivers and usually put themselves last.” However, research recognizes money with arrogance as a prominent characteristic that impedes our inner-emotional-progress, and compassion for ourselves and others as a positive force for our own well-being. The purpose of a high emotional IQ is the practice to subdue arrogant, egocentric tendencies and awaken yourself to a higher purpose and enlightened awareness about your own state of life.
Money can’t buy you happiness only you can invest in your emotional wellness which is a way of self-fulfillment and therefore the only true way of attaining self-satisfaction and happiness in relationships with yourself and others.