Home Expert DrBev Beverly Jackson Commitment-Phobes Love The Chase, But Not The Capture

Commitment-Phobes Love The Chase, But Not The Capture

If you keep your life very controlled and don’t make room for other people, you could be missing out on the one thing that can make it all worthwhile: LOVE.

There are women and men who cannot love someone outside of their immediate family. And, they feel unstable when emotions for another person rise within their hearts. They may want a relationship, but they are too scared to make a commitment. Additionally, their own negative self-beliefs about commitment, love and relationships will guarantee that any relationship won’t last. They suffer from commitmentphobia and a deep fear of intimacy.

Commitmentphobia – Fear of commitment; Refers to avoidance of long-term partnership and/or marriage but the problem is often much more widespread, affecting school, work, and home life as well.

Commitmentphobia may be due to an earlier trauma. It could be from an abusive relationship with a relative. If this has happened to you, trusting again is something you may not be ready for. Or, when something devastating occurs, your ability to see the world as kind may be shattered and you find yourself always waiting for the other shoe to drop. You do not have the ability to take care of anyone else because you are too busy simply keeping your own world together. When this happens, many people wind up ending something before it even begins.

First sign, he lost interest when things got serious. Commitment-phobes love the chase but not the capture. They have a history of brief, passionate relationships that end fairly quickly. They are usually quick to explain these breakups away as being the fault of the former girlfriend.

Another sign that he is a afraid of commitment, “You feel crazy.” The Commitment-phobe finds a way to blame you for the situation you find yourselves in and you start doubting yourself and wonder if you are the crazy one. If you confront him he won’t want to talk about it. He might become moody and behave in ways you’ve never seen before in him.

Dating a commitment-phobe is a very confusing experience. If you are struggling with this kind of person, don’t deny your experience and make yourself the one who is wrong. Reality-check, ask what is going on with a trusted friend(s). If that doesn’t help you sort it out, seek the help of a professional. If the woman or man you are dating is truly commitment-phobic, your future together can only contain heartbreak.

If this reminds you of your romantic relationship—a constant game of “catch-me-if-you-can”—then you may be involved with someone who suffers from commitmentphobia. Maybe you are that person.

If you keep your life very controlled and don’t make room for other people, you could be missing out on the one thing that can make it all worthwhile: LOVE. You may ask yourself if your reasons are good ones and what you may be holding yourself back from allowing someone to touch your heart.

If you have been hurt, you can love again. Also trust that you have the good sense to walk away from someone with toxic behaviors and let a good person stroll into your life and heart.

What’s the best antidote to confusion over commitmentphobia?

Patience . . . discernment . . . and communication — lots of it.